Disillusioned

I was looking up a definition the other day and when I read the following words, it struck me deeply.

How many times in your life have you been disillusioned by believing that someone or something would complete you, make things easier, make things better, fix you, etc.? I can think of so many examples of this. And man, when that bubble gets burst and we realize that those things or people will never do the thing we wanted, it can be quite painful and jarring.

Like cauliflower, for example. On just about every diet I have tried there has been a promise that mashed cauliflower can replace mashed potatoes or a cauliflower crust can replace a delicious doughy pizza crust. Let me tell you how real the disappointment was when I took that pizza out of the oven and took that first bite and discovered that it was (way) less good than I had believed.

Okay, cauliflower is a silly example, but you get the point. Now, let’s look at this idea of disillusionment on a bigger scale. What is something or someone you sought after that led you to a place of disappointment? For some, it might be a relationship, a job, or a prized possession. I’ve experienced disillusionment in all of those things, but the season of surrender I am currently in the midst of revolves around health, eating, and my perceived image. I have experienced great disappointment on both sides of this topic – making unhealthy choices that I thought would bring comfort or distraction or enjoyment OR making healthy choices that I thought would bring a desired appearance or freedom from a much deeper issue. It has been the epitome of a roller coaster back and forth between the healthy ups and the unhealthy downs. For me, I think the larger issue stems from disordered thinking that I am now trying to unravel and process through. And what I’m realizing is that both sides of this coin have led me to disillusionment because my desired outcome is not rooted in Christ and His Word. Instead, my desired outcome is actually rooted in pride or pleasure. And at the end of the day, those desired outcomes are further rooted in sin. Ouch. So, I’m choosing to get off the roller coaster and dig deep into truth that is not based on my feelings, but on God’s truth, which is firm and secure.

Is there something or someone in your life right now that you have been disillusioned by? Do you need to surrender that person or thing to the Lord? Let’s do it together!

The Grand Delusion

The grand delusion of every act of sin is that we can be disloyal to God and everything will work out in the end. 

     We all do it sometimes and in some ways. In little and not so little moments of disloyalty to God, we work to excuse ourselves and convince ourselves that it will all be okay in the end. In private moments of moral self-conversation, we say:

          “I can handle this; it will be okay.”
          “I’ll only do it this once.”
          “I really didn’t have much of a choice.”
          “It’s not really such a big deal.”
          “Other people do it all the time.”
          “It’s not really clearly forbidden by the Bible.”
          “What else could I do?”
          “I just chose the lesser of two evils.”
          “God is good; he’ll forgive me.”
          “It’s not like I do this all the time.”
          “Doesn’t God want me to be happy?”

     Each statement is designed to relieve the burden of conviction. Each is meant to mask the reality that we have chosen to be disloyal to God, rebellious to his authority, and resistant to his call. Each is meant to cover the true allegiance of our hearts. Each is designed to enable us to feel okay about what God clearly says is not okay. Each is meant to make sin look not so sinful after all. Each is meant to ease our fear that sin really is destructive and that it really does lead to death.

     There are moments when we are all tempted to give in to the delusional logic of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden (see Genesis 3). In the mundane moments of our daily lives, we buy into the fallacy that we can step over God’s loving and wise moral boundaries without consequences. In myriad little moments, we’re morally disloyal to the One who is our wisdom, righteousness, and hope. And what’s important about this is that the character of a life isn’t set in three or four big moments of life, but in ten thousand little, virtually unnoticed moments. These acts of disloyalty expose the war that still rages for the rulership of our hearts and the depth of our ongoing need for rescuing and forgiving grace. Isn’t it good to know that that grace is ours in Christ Jesus?

From New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp

Walls

Walking around these walls

I thought by now they'd fall

But You have never failed me yet

Waiting for change to come

Knowing the battle's won

For You have never failed me yet

Your promise still stands

Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness

I'm still in Your hands

This is my confidence, You've never failed me yet

I've seen You move, You move the mountains

And I believe, I'll see You do it again

You made a way, where there was no way

And I believe, I'll see You do it again

And You never failed me yet

I never will forget

You never failed me yet

I never will forget

"Walking around these walls, I thought by now they'd fall."  Anybody else feel like this?  

• 27 - Number of years I have been walking around these walls and trying to see the struggle with my weight come crumbling down
• 10ish - Number of weight loss programs I have tried.. repeatedly (Weight Watchers, Paleo, Whole Thirty, South Beach, MyFitnessPal, Counting Calories, Sugar Busters, Low Carb, No Carb, High Fiber, etc.)
• 275 - Highest weight I have seen 
• 140 - 177 - Healthy weight for my height

Over the years I have seen those walls start to come down, but then I lose focus/stamina/determination or I experience stress or frustration and resort back to old habits and that wall so quickly gets built back up.  And here we are, back at square one staring up at this giant seemingly indestructible wall and wondering how we got here.  

BUT

I've seen You move, You move the mountains

And I believe, I'll see You do it again

You made a way, where there was no way

And I believe, I'll see You do it again

And so for today I keep putting one foot in front of the other and asking the Lord to continue teaching me and growing me and helping me to untangle my messy relationship with food.  

What wall have you been circling that you thought by now would have come down?  Be reminded today that He has never failed you yet.  He is with you and He is for you!

What I'm Loving

Happy Friday friends!  I love "The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey" podcast and she always ends her interviews by asking people for three things they are loving.  I love getting good recommendations from people on books, music, and tv.  I thought I'd give you a few recommendations for your weekend...

Reading:

Short little devotionals to start or end your day that point you to Jesus.

This book was recommended to me about a year ago and I finally started reading it last month.  Man, it challenges me and I can only read a little chunk at a time because Lou really punches you in the face, but it's so good to see how my tendency to be a people pleaser is at times enabling unhealthy behavior patterns in others.

As you know, I am in a season of surrender with my relationship with food.  This book had some great take-aways and so many things the author said really resonated with me.








Listening:
Like I said earlier, I love "The Happy Hour" and I also love Lisa TerKeurst.  Jamie interviews Lysa and gets to hear her story of healing, redemption, and hope.  Give this interview a listen HERE!








Two of my close friends started a podcast where they interview different people who have had to overcome some difficult things.   I was so blessed to sit down with them and share about my own struggle with depression.  You can listen HERE.









I have been listening to "Hallelujah Here Below" on repeat the past few days.  It is so powerful!  You can listen to it HERE.






What are you loving?  Let me know the things you are reading and listening to that are making you laugh or cry, challenging or encouraging you!