A Thousand Times I've Failed...

Fail - How does this word make you feel?  For me, it stirs up negative emotions, anxious feelings, and frustration.  Why?  Because I don't want to fail.  I want to be strong.  I want to be able to overcome the things that challenge me.

So what does it mean to fail?  According to merriam-webster.com, fail as a verb means to lose strength; to fall short; to become inadequate; to be unsuccessful; to disappoint the expectations or trust of; to be deficient in...

Under this definition you might see various images of me from last week.  It was literally like everything that could go wrong, did.  Imagine you wake up one morning and you walk into your kitchen to see the counter covered in ants.  You open the drawer only to find evidence that a little furry friend has taken up residence in your kitchen with the ants.  You want to make coffee so you go to pour water in the coffee pot, but there is not a single drop coming from the tap.  You pour bottled water in the coffee maker and go to turn it on only to realize there is (still) no power.  You need to talk to someone about what the problem is with your water, but alas you are surrounded by people who speak a different language and you are not equipped to fully communicate your questions.

What would you do?  How would you respond?

I so wish I could tell you that I handled it all like a super Godly woman and took all of these situations in stride by turning to the Lord in fasting and prayer.

But that is not what happened.  That is far from what happened.

I complained... a lot.  I got really frustrated and stressed and even angry.  And then I gave into bad habits to cope - I watched a lot of episodes of TV shows, I ate brownies and pizza and popcorn and french toast, I quit exercising because I couldn't shower, and then because all of those things just distracted me for a time and didn't really help I finally (and begrudgingly) brought it all to the Lord.  And do you know what?  It helped.  Did it solve all of my problems?  Nope, but it gave me perspective and helped me to realize some things.  Not only had I let all of these things impact me greatly, but I had then spread my bad mood and bad attitude to the people around me.

I failed.

BUT - instead of sinking further into self-pity the Lord reminded me that even when I fail, I am not a failure.  Even when I fail, He remains steadfast and true.  Even when I fail, His mercy remains.  So I got over myself and decided to accept His mercy and try again.  So yesterday, I ate vegetables, I exercised, I studied language, I focused on things I could be thankful for and I had a different attitude.

So dear friend, maybe today you need to be reminded of a few things:

• You will fail, but that doesn't make you a failure.
• You can fail a thousand times, but the Lord's mercy remains forever.
• Today is a new day.  Try again.  Don't give in and don't give up.

Faith Over Fear

If God is in control of every aspect of your world and his grace covers all your sin, why would you ever give way to fear?

There are many things I wish were true about me:
I wish I could say that I’m never afraid, but I can’t.
I wish I could say that worry never interrupts my sleep, but I can’t.
I wish I could say that I never wonder what God is doing, but I can’t.
I wish I could say that I never give way to envy, but I can’t.
I wish I could say that I am always aware that God is near, but I can’t.
I wish I could say that I never wonder, “If only ______________,” but I can’t.
I wish I could say that I never dread what’s around the corner, but I can’t.
I wish I could say that I always have peace in my heart, but I can’t.
I wish I could say that all that I do is done out of faith and not fear, but I can’t.

You see, I have come to be very aware that although I know the Bible and its doctrine well, the battle between fear and faith still goes on in my heart. Here’s what this means at street level. It is important to understand why fear still lives in the life of a believer in the hallways, kitchens, bedrooms, family rooms, workrooms, and vans of everyday life. You could argue that he or she has every reason to be free of fear, that fear should be an artifact of a former civilization. So why the continued struggle with fear?

Fear lives and rules in the heart of a believer who has forgotten God’s sovereignty and grace. If left to myself, I should be afraid. There are many trials, temptations, dangers, and enemies in this fallen world that are bigger and more powerful than me. I have to deal with many things that are outside my control. But the message of the gospel is that I haven’t been left to myself, that Immanuel is with me in sovereign authority and powerful grace. He rules with perfect wisdom over all the circumstances and locations that would make me afraid. In grace, he blesses me with what I need to face what he has decided to put on my plate. I am never – in anything, anywhere, at any time – by myself. I never arrive on the scene first. I never step into a situation that exists outside his control. I never move beyond the reach of his authority. He is never surprised by where I end up or by what I am facing. He never leaves me to the limited resources of my own wisdom, strength, and righteousness. He never grows weary with protecting and providing for me. He will never abandon me out of frustration. I do not need to be afraid. When you forget God’s sovereignty and his grace, you give room in your heart for fear to do its nasty, debilitating work. Pray right now for grace to remember. Your sovereign Savior loves to hear and answer.

From New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp