Forgetfulness

"They forgot what He had done, the wonders he had shown them." - Psalm 78:11

I recently traveled to Egypt, which was an amazing experience!  While I was there I took some time to read back through parts of Exodus, which has always been one of my favorite books of the Bible.  When I stood among the ruins of ages past I was reminded of the story of the Israelites being forced to make bricks for hours each day in the hot sun.  I was surrounded by miles of sand and not a cloud in the sky to provide a break from the sun's intense heat.  I cannot imagine that kind of hard and exhausting labor day after day.

"They made their lives bitter with hard labor in brick and mortar and with all kinds of work in the fields; and in all their hard labor the Egyptians used them ruthlessly." - Exodus 1:14

I was so hot and was just standing still, so I couldn't imagine being there and doing hard work under even worse conditions.  BUT, I was reminded that God saw His chosen people and had compassion on them and sent Moses to set them free.

"The Lord said, 'I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey—the home of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites. And now the cry of the Israelites has reached me, and I have seen the way the Egyptians are oppressing them. So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.'” - Exodus 3:7-10

After hundreds of years of slavery, God rescued His people and set them free.  Time after time in Exodus we see God provide and protect His people.  And time after time we see the people fall back into the same patterns of doubt and mistrust.  So much so that at some points they longed to return to the "knowns" of slavery in Egypt than to continue in the "unknowns" of the wilderness.

"In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. The Israelites said to them, 'If only we had died by the Lord’s hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.'” - Exodus 16:2-3

And this kind of whining and complaining didn't happen just once or twice, but again and again.  And instead of giving up and telling the Israelites to figure it out for themselves, God repeatedly provided for the people.  This is such a beautiful reminder of how gracious and faithful God is even when I am not.  

It is so easy to read through Exodus and judge the Israelite people, but I am just like them.  The second things get hard, uncomfortable, discouraging, etc. I begin to complain and I so easily "forget what He has done."  Instead of taking time to sit down and recount His faithfulness and goodness, I clench my fists in frustration and wish for a lesser, but more familiar setting.  

Maybe today you find yourself in a wilderness season.  Maybe you are feeling doubtful, discouraged, and depleted.  Maybe today it all just seems like too much and you are longing for a lesser, but more familiar setting.  Come with me and let's remember together that He is good.  He is faithful.  He is gracious.  

"They forgot what he had done, the wonders he had shown them.
He did miracles in the sight of their ancestors in the land of Egypt, in the region of Zoan.
He divided the sea and led them through; he made the water stand up like a wall.
He guided them with the cloud by day and with light from the fire all night.
He split the rocks in the wilderness and gave them water as abundant as the seas; he brought streams out of a rocky crag and made water flow down like rivers.

But they continued to sin against him, rebelling in the wilderness against the Most High.
They willfully put God to the test by demanding the food they craved.
They spoke against God; they said, “Can God really spread a table in the wilderness?

True, he struck the rock, and water gushed out, streams flowed abundantly, but can he also give us bread?
Can he supply meat for his people?” - Psalm 78:11-20

Where Do You Look for Strength?

Strength (noun) - the quality or state of being physically strong; the capacity to withstand great force or pressure; the emotional or mental qualities necessary in dealing with situations or events that are distressing or difficult.

I don't know about you, but I want to be strong.  I want to be physically strong and push my body to do things that seem too hard to do.  I want to be emotionally strong and able to handle challenges in a healthy way.  I want to be mentally strong and able to learn and retain information easily.  I want to be spiritually strong by being so firmly rooted in Christ that I am not consumed with doubts or worries when hard things come my way.

The problem is that so often I want to do it on my own.  And unfortunately my strength is limited and really not very strong at all.  My strength wavers easily and falls back into weakness and old habits and old ways of thinking on a regular basis.  Which is why the above verse struck me when I read it recently.  It doesn't say, "Be strong in yourself and in the strength of your might."  No, instead it reminds us of where true and lasting and incredible strength comes from - the Lord.  

So, why do I forget this and try to live out of my own strength all. the. time.  Because I am prone to a mindset that focuses on depending on myself, trying harder, digging deeper, etc.  And within weeks or days or sometimes minutes I am right back at the end of my strength and the cycle continues.  But, what if I realized that when I come to the end of myself that is where I need to be reminded that in Christ I have access to strength and might and power that far surpass what I am capable of on my own.  

If you are familiar with Ephesians 6:10, you know it is the beginning of a passage about putting on the full armor of God.  I have spent some time in this passage over the past few weeks and would love to share more of what I'm learning in future posts, but in the meantime I encourage you to go read through Ephesians 6:10 - 20.  

So, what about you?  Where do you look for strength?  How's that workin' for ya?

"Praise Your Name" - Corey Voss

"Praise Your Name" - Corey Voss

Even now, I can see darkness is fading

Walls of fear, brick by brick will come down

Your light will shine, lifting me out of the shadows

Here and now, I know where my breakthrough is found

I'm gonna sing my way out of the valley

I'm gonna shout my way up to the mountain

I will take hold of the truth of Your promise

I'm gonna praise, I'm gonna praise

I'm gonna push through 'til every lie crumbles

I'm gonna dance in the midst of the rain

I'm gonna rest in the arms of the Father

I'm gonna praise, I'm gonna praise Your name

Oh-ohh-ohhh, I'm gonna prai-aise, oh-ohh, oh-ohh

There's a sound, welling up from within me

Heaven's power, calling hope to arise, oh-ohh

So I'm standing tall, here in the strength of Your victory, oh-ohh-ohh

'Cause when You come, every wrong is made right, ohh

I'm gonna sing my way out of the valley

I'm gonna shout my way up to the mountain

I will take hold of the truth of Your promise

I'm gonna praise, I'm gonna praise

I'm gonna push through 'til every lie crumbles

I'm gonna dance in the midst of the rain

I'm gonna rest in the arms of the Father

I'm gonna praise, I'm gonna praise Your name

Oh-ohh-ohhh, I'm gonna prai-aise

Fear and depression

Shame and confusion

You have to bow

You have to bow

All lesser things

That demand my attention

You have to bow

Oh, you have to bow

Fear and depression

Shame and confusion

You have to bow

Oh, you have to bow

And all lesser things

That demand my attention

You have to bow

Yeah, you have to bow

Fear and depression

Shame and confusion

You have to bow

Oh, you have to bow

And all lesser things

That demand my attention

You have to bow

Oh, you have to bow

I'm gonna sing my way out of the valley

I'm gonna shout my way up to the mountain

I will take hold of the truth of Your promise

I'm gonna praise, I'm gonna praise

Oh and I'm gonna push through 'til every lie crumbles

I'm gonna dance in the midst of the rain

I'm gonna rest in the arms of the Father

I'm gonna praise, I'm gonna praise-

Oh I'm gonna sing my way out of the valley

I'm gonna shout my way up to the mountain

I will take hold of the truth of Your promise

I'm gonna praise, I'm gonna praise

Oh I'm gonna push through 'til every lie crumbles

I'm gonna dance in the midst of the rain

I'm gonna rest in the arms of the Father

I'm gonna praise, I'm gonna praise Your name

A Thousand Times I've Failed...

Fail - How does this word make you feel?  For me, it stirs up negative emotions, anxious feelings, and frustration.  Why?  Because I don't want to fail.  I want to be strong.  I want to be able to overcome the things that challenge me.

So what does it mean to fail?  According to merriam-webster.com, fail as a verb means to lose strength; to fall short; to become inadequate; to be unsuccessful; to disappoint the expectations or trust of; to be deficient in...

Under this definition you might see various images of me from last week.  It was literally like everything that could go wrong, did.  Imagine you wake up one morning and you walk into your kitchen to see the counter covered in ants.  You open the drawer only to find evidence that a little furry friend has taken up residence in your kitchen with the ants.  You want to make coffee so you go to pour water in the coffee pot, but there is not a single drop coming from the tap.  You pour bottled water in the coffee maker and go to turn it on only to realize there is (still) no power.  You need to talk to someone about what the problem is with your water, but alas you are surrounded by people who speak a different language and you are not equipped to fully communicate your questions.

What would you do?  How would you respond?

I so wish I could tell you that I handled it all like a super Godly woman and took all of these situations in stride by turning to the Lord in fasting and prayer.

But that is not what happened.  That is far from what happened.

I complained... a lot.  I got really frustrated and stressed and even angry.  And then I gave into bad habits to cope - I watched a lot of episodes of TV shows, I ate brownies and pizza and popcorn and french toast, I quit exercising because I couldn't shower, and then because all of those things just distracted me for a time and didn't really help I finally (and begrudgingly) brought it all to the Lord.  And do you know what?  It helped.  Did it solve all of my problems?  Nope, but it gave me perspective and helped me to realize some things.  Not only had I let all of these things impact me greatly, but I had then spread my bad mood and bad attitude to the people around me.

I failed.

BUT - instead of sinking further into self-pity the Lord reminded me that even when I fail, I am not a failure.  Even when I fail, He remains steadfast and true.  Even when I fail, His mercy remains.  So I got over myself and decided to accept His mercy and try again.  So yesterday, I ate vegetables, I exercised, I studied language, I focused on things I could be thankful for and I had a different attitude.

So dear friend, maybe today you need to be reminded of a few things:

• You will fail, but that doesn't make you a failure.
• You can fail a thousand times, but the Lord's mercy remains forever.
• Today is a new day.  Try again.  Don't give in and don't give up.

Faith Over Fear

If God is in control of every aspect of your world and his grace covers all your sin, why would you ever give way to fear?

There are many things I wish were true about me:
I wish I could say that I’m never afraid, but I can’t.
I wish I could say that worry never interrupts my sleep, but I can’t.
I wish I could say that I never wonder what God is doing, but I can’t.
I wish I could say that I never give way to envy, but I can’t.
I wish I could say that I am always aware that God is near, but I can’t.
I wish I could say that I never wonder, “If only ______________,” but I can’t.
I wish I could say that I never dread what’s around the corner, but I can’t.
I wish I could say that I always have peace in my heart, but I can’t.
I wish I could say that all that I do is done out of faith and not fear, but I can’t.

You see, I have come to be very aware that although I know the Bible and its doctrine well, the battle between fear and faith still goes on in my heart. Here’s what this means at street level. It is important to understand why fear still lives in the life of a believer in the hallways, kitchens, bedrooms, family rooms, workrooms, and vans of everyday life. You could argue that he or she has every reason to be free of fear, that fear should be an artifact of a former civilization. So why the continued struggle with fear?

Fear lives and rules in the heart of a believer who has forgotten God’s sovereignty and grace. If left to myself, I should be afraid. There are many trials, temptations, dangers, and enemies in this fallen world that are bigger and more powerful than me. I have to deal with many things that are outside my control. But the message of the gospel is that I haven’t been left to myself, that Immanuel is with me in sovereign authority and powerful grace. He rules with perfect wisdom over all the circumstances and locations that would make me afraid. In grace, he blesses me with what I need to face what he has decided to put on my plate. I am never – in anything, anywhere, at any time – by myself. I never arrive on the scene first. I never step into a situation that exists outside his control. I never move beyond the reach of his authority. He is never surprised by where I end up or by what I am facing. He never leaves me to the limited resources of my own wisdom, strength, and righteousness. He never grows weary with protecting and providing for me. He will never abandon me out of frustration. I do not need to be afraid. When you forget God’s sovereignty and his grace, you give room in your heart for fear to do its nasty, debilitating work. Pray right now for grace to remember. Your sovereign Savior loves to hear and answer.

From New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp

Sticks and Stones...

May break my bones, but words will never hurt me. FALSE. For me, words can cut so deep and cause so much hurt. Here are a few recent examples…

“When you get stronger, you should exercise because you are a little fat.”
“You have fat legs.”
“You are big like an elephant.”

Y’all. Wow. I think one layer to this is that it’s hurtful. I am doing a study of James right now and it talks about the power of our words. “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.” – James 3: 9-10. In the incidences above I felt the power of someone’s words. My love language is words of affirmation, so I can definitely feel the power that words have to create or destroy. And I know that I have also used my words in harmful and hurtful ways, but usually mine come more in the form of talking behind someone’s back, venting, or gossiping. So I am guilty of this just as much as the next person.

But another layer is that it’s true. I want to blame or justify or focus on someone being hurtful, but y’all I am overweight. Now – let’s just have a second for the fact that I am NOT the size of an elephant, but that’s not the focus of why I’m actually hurt. Imagine the thing you are most insecure about, most embarrassed by, most frustrated by. Now imagine that someone voices that they notice that thing too. Immediately my confident façade crumbles and I literally fight back tears because it’s okay for me to dislike that part of myself and feel such insecurity about it, but now you’ve pointed out in a negative way that it’s obvious to you as well.

And do you know the really sad thing… there was a time (not long ago at all) that my response to that would have been to medicate those feelings through a milkshake or chips and salsa. But, in these recent incidences that was not how I responded because God is bigger and He is slowly but surely transforming my mind. Do you know what my first response was after I gathered myself and fought back tears – I talked to God about it. And let me tell you – that is rarely my first response to anything, but I want it to be. I took those words to Him and surrendered them to Him. Does it still hurt? Yep. Am I still insecure? Yes. But I am thankful for the refining process and how the Lord continues to reveal more of my own weakness so that I can boast all the more in His strength.

What words have been said to you that caused hurt? Have you talked to God about it? In my case, these were not words from close friends or family so I didn’t feel the need to confront the person, but maybe you do. Maybe there is hurt there for you that could easily turn into a root of bitterness. Don’t let that happen!

Also, let’s all consider how our words can hurt others and be careful and kind with our words.

Disillusioned

I was looking up a definition the other day and when I read the following words, it struck me deeply.

How many times in your life have you been disillusioned by believing that someone or something would complete you, make things easier, make things better, fix you, etc.? I can think of so many examples of this. And man, when that bubble gets burst and we realize that those things or people will never do the thing we wanted, it can be quite painful and jarring.

Like cauliflower, for example. On just about every diet I have tried there has been a promise that mashed cauliflower can replace mashed potatoes or a cauliflower crust can replace a delicious doughy pizza crust. Let me tell you how real the disappointment was when I took that pizza out of the oven and took that first bite and discovered that it was (way) less good than I had believed.

Okay, cauliflower is a silly example, but you get the point. Now, let’s look at this idea of disillusionment on a bigger scale. What is something or someone you sought after that led you to a place of disappointment? For some, it might be a relationship, a job, or a prized possession. I’ve experienced disillusionment in all of those things, but the season of surrender I am currently in the midst of revolves around health, eating, and my perceived image. I have experienced great disappointment on both sides of this topic – making unhealthy choices that I thought would bring comfort or distraction or enjoyment OR making healthy choices that I thought would bring a desired appearance or freedom from a much deeper issue. It has been the epitome of a roller coaster back and forth between the healthy ups and the unhealthy downs. For me, I think the larger issue stems from disordered thinking that I am now trying to unravel and process through. And what I’m realizing is that both sides of this coin have led me to disillusionment because my desired outcome is not rooted in Christ and His Word. Instead, my desired outcome is actually rooted in pride or pleasure. And at the end of the day, those desired outcomes are further rooted in sin. Ouch. So, I’m choosing to get off the roller coaster and dig deep into truth that is not based on my feelings, but on God’s truth, which is firm and secure.

Is there something or someone in your life right now that you have been disillusioned by? Do you need to surrender that person or thing to the Lord? Let’s do it together!