A Thousand Times I've Failed...

Fail - How does this word make you feel?  For me, it stirs up negative emotions, anxious feelings, and frustration.  Why?  Because I don't want to fail.  I want to be strong.  I want to be able to overcome the things that challenge me.

So what does it mean to fail?  According to merriam-webster.com, fail as a verb means to lose strength; to fall short; to become inadequate; to be unsuccessful; to disappoint the expectations or trust of; to be deficient in...

Under this definition you might see various images of me from last week.  It was literally like everything that could go wrong, did.  Imagine you wake up one morning and you walk into your kitchen to see the counter covered in ants.  You open the drawer only to find evidence that a little furry friend has taken up residence in your kitchen with the ants.  You want to make coffee so you go to pour water in the coffee pot, but there is not a single drop coming from the tap.  You pour bottled water in the coffee maker and go to turn it on only to realize there is (still) no power.  You need to talk to someone about what the problem is with your water, but alas you are surrounded by people who speak a different language and you are not equipped to fully communicate your questions.

What would you do?  How would you respond?

I so wish I could tell you that I handled it all like a super Godly woman and took all of these situations in stride by turning to the Lord in fasting and prayer.

But that is not what happened.  That is far from what happened.

I complained... a lot.  I got really frustrated and stressed and even angry.  And then I gave into bad habits to cope - I watched a lot of episodes of TV shows, I ate brownies and pizza and popcorn and french toast, I quit exercising because I couldn't shower, and then because all of those things just distracted me for a time and didn't really help I finally (and begrudgingly) brought it all to the Lord.  And do you know what?  It helped.  Did it solve all of my problems?  Nope, but it gave me perspective and helped me to realize some things.  Not only had I let all of these things impact me greatly, but I had then spread my bad mood and bad attitude to the people around me.

I failed.

BUT - instead of sinking further into self-pity the Lord reminded me that even when I fail, I am not a failure.  Even when I fail, He remains steadfast and true.  Even when I fail, His mercy remains.  So I got over myself and decided to accept His mercy and try again.  So yesterday, I ate vegetables, I exercised, I studied language, I focused on things I could be thankful for and I had a different attitude.

So dear friend, maybe today you need to be reminded of a few things:

• You will fail, but that doesn't make you a failure.
• You can fail a thousand times, but the Lord's mercy remains forever.
• Today is a new day.  Try again.  Don't give in and don't give up.